


Gift of the Magi

by Zandra_Court



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel implied, Episode: s08e17 Goodbye Stranger, Gen, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-17
Updated: 2013-04-17
Packaged: 2017-12-08 18:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/764337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zandra_Court/pseuds/Zandra_Court
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Cas takes off with the angel tablet, Dean's attempts to pray to Cas have failed so far.  But Angel-Radio means he gets a response from Balthazar instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gift of the Magi

**Author's Note:**

> This may end up being a scene from a larger fic, but this has been percolating in my head and I needed to get it out before I could move on to see if the surrounding story might make any sense.

_You don't have a soul. You ARE a soul. You have a body. ~CS Lewis_

Dean heard the flap of wings and looked around, expecting to see Cas and clearly the disappointment registered on his face because Balthazar said, "Sorry, Boyo. Your boyfriend is a tad occupied at the moment, so I'm here instead."

"Wait. Cas killed you!"

"Simple boy, an angel only stays dead if our Father wishes it to be so."

"Well, you can just haul your limey-ass back to wherever because I'm only interested in talking to Cas."

"Hard as it may be for you to understand, I'm actually more suited to your predicament than my dear brother is."

"Yeah, 'cause angels are so well versed in human suffering."

"Most, no, but I'm what you Yanks call a 'unicorn', I believe."

"Rainbows shoot out of your ass?"

"Nice, but no. I was once human."

Dean turned to face Balthazar again. "What are you talking about? Angels are Warriors of God. I thought all of you went back to creation."

"Archangels do. Others of us came to being as God's will deemed us. But I chose to be an angel. Not that I'm immune to reminiscing over my human peccadilloes." Balthazar looked over at the copy of _Busty Asian Beauties_ lying on Dean's nightstand.

Dean walked over to the mustard-colored chair in the corner of the motel room and dropped in it. "Why would you be dumb enough to do that?"

"Because I'd had my fill of humanity. You see, I was chosen by God for a very special purpose, not unlike yourself. In fact, it was our dear friend Gabriel who was elected to inform me of my task and become my guardian, like Castiel for you."

"Yeah? And what great call were you given?"

"Honestly, I wasn't much more than a delivery boy really. I was a cartographer of the heavens, star charts, I guess in modern terms. Back then, my mates and I had noticed a star, a planet as it turns out, but we didn't know of such things at the time. This star was brighter than any others and wasn't normally in that part of the sky. Gabriel told me I was to deliver a package and if I did it right, I'd save a life."

"OK. What was your package?"

"Gold." Balthazar sat down on the edge of the bed across from Dean's chair.

"Sounds heavy. Where'd you have to deliver it?"

Balthazar looked right into Dean's eyes. "Bethlehem"

Dean held the angel's eyes for a moment and then laughed. "You're bullshittin' me. There's no way you are one of those creepy old dudes that stand at the back of every, what are they called, barn-thingys"

"Nativities. And yes, one of those 'old dudes' is me. Clearly they fail to grasp my likeness properly."

"Wait." Dean stood up. "You're tellin' me that you---YOU, were at the birth of Jesus?"

"Well, no actually. History has muddled the details a bit. We showed up about two weeks later. I did get to see him as an infant though. He was unlike any baby I've ever beheld. His parents, especially his mother, were completely flumoxed over it all. We got them plied with money and items to barter and send them on to Egypt to escape the death order that had been placed upon him. And then we left, heading home via the route suggested by Gabriel."

"That was it? You dropped off your package and..and you were finished?"

"Not everyone is tapped for such duties as being Michael's vessel you know. Some of us do our job and that is that."

"Lucky duck." Dean couldn't help but feel jealous that he hadn't recieved such a cush assignment. Why did he have to fight demons his whole damn life? "Well, if you'd done the job and were over it, why give up everything for a slave halo and a pair of wings?"

"Not unlike your connection to Castiel, I maintained a, well, bond, with Gabriel. He would come to visit me in Persia, we'd drink and lay out under the stars. Mostly, he would talk about how 'The Experiment' was going. That was how he referred to God taking a joy-ride in human form. I even made the trip west to hear him speak on the mountain. It was one thing for the angels to inhabit a human vessel, but for God to do so, well it set most of heaven on edge, especially when he got to be your age."

"Yeah, I know how all that turned out. Not one of his best moves, if you ask me. Got himself killed."

"Yes, well, God was not any better at sharing details then than nowdays. It is amazing that none of the angels rebelled like Lucifer after *that* horrid display of human violence. Gabriel came close. They all could hear the garden prayers poor Joshua lifted up that night. But they were under strict orders not to interfere. After he'd breathed his last and he was put in the hillside behind a giant rock, Gabriel showed up, begging me to cut off his wings so he could die."

"Does that work?" Dean hadn't thought of trying to clip an angel's wings as a means of destroying one.

"They have to submit to it, so not a great method of felling one, but yes, it would amount to angel suicide. Obviously, I refused. My bond with Gabriel was quite strong after so many years, so I gave him what I could; myself."

"You chose to become an angel to keep Gabriel from offing himself?"

"Essentially. Though I had some selfish motivations as well. After all, humans had just murdered God's son. Global annihilation had already happened for less. I couldn't imagine that God's wrath wouldn't rain down upon all creation. I was also pretty well done with humankind. Submitting to heaven sounded peaceful and uncomplicated."

"Sure, if you like having to obey every order and have no choices or fun."

"I like you and your little 'Team Free Will' club you have going on, but you fail to grasp the fundamental truth that angels and humans are different beings in different planes of existance. Both were created for very different reasons. Angels exist in a world where God is certain, the plan is divine and our role is clear. Humans exist in a world where God is a matter of faith, your choices are open and your meaning is as muddy as storm water. We have order and obedience, but also absolute protection and peace in heaven. You have free will, but the cost is that God does not intervene in your choices, but rather guides them through revelation. And even then, you can choose to ignore it."

"I don't believe this."

"After all you've been through, why do you doubt so much?"

"You're asking me to accept that 1) God exists and 2) that he does nothing to help us because that's the deal? Either we make our choices and get left with our asses hanging in the breeze or we submit to total obedience and then God helps us? 'Cept you forgot how he let the whole fucking apocalypse happen and plenty of angels got shafted in that deal."

"Dean, of course God exists. And yes, that is the deal. It is the deal humans chose way back in The Garden. You wanted to have the knowledge of God, but that means agency. You chose and God accepted your choice. Just as God accepted my choice to no longer have choices. I don't have a problem with obedience to God. Zachariah and Uriel, they were not God, so I have no guilt over refusing to obey them."

"Have you actually seen God?" Dean's head was hurting from all of this and wanted a straight answer for once.

"I have held God in my arms. He spit up on me."

"Not Jesus, man! I mean actual God."

"They are one and the same you know. Most of my heavenly interactions with God have been with Sofia. She loves to play poker. Always wins though."

"Sofia? Who's she?"

"Wisdom, later the Holy Spirit. Though your barabric instance on seeing God as only masculine means this form of God has been lost to time and misogyny."

"Is she hot?" Dean raised his eyebrows a bit and Balthazar rolled his eyes slightly.

"Yes, she's beautiful. But so was Joshua. You can't be in divine presence and not be overwhelmed by, what do you call them, "feels" is it?"

"You're saying Jesus was a turn on too?"

"How do you think he attracted throngs of people everywhere he went? Of course he was alluring. You couldn't help but love him, want to touch him, hold him..."

"Woah there, Brokeback. I think I got the jist."

"Do you? I ended up here because of your prayers to Castiel. You long for him, yet you deny it. Why?"

"I don't **long** for him. I just, we, well there was a moment when he was gonna...and he didn't. But he left and I wanna talk about it. So, I'm talking about it. To him."

"Well, he has gone quiet. Still your prayers, well, I suppose the best way to put is they echo. It was presumptuous of me, but I thought that perhaps I might be able to help you where Castiel cannot."

"You know why he wanted to kill me?"

"He didn't. In fact, the new Special Angel in Charge was who wanted him to kill you. So, Castiel has once again disobeyed. For you."

"Cas was supposed to kill me? Why?"

"Dean, you are no longer THE vessel. The rest of the Heavenly Host see you as lost, deserving of perdition or purgatory, yet here you remain, inciting rebellion and disrespecting the one who keeps saving your whiny, pathetic arse. Castiel cares deeply for you and you owe him your life, if not your devotion. Perhaps it is time for you to stop compartmentalizing your affections based on packaging and instead try to see Castiel by the same measure he sees you: as a soul."

"If you even try to say that Cas and I are soulmates, I'll clock you were you sit."

"You are thick, aren't you. Idle threats aside, you are soulmates. So are you and your brother, you and Robert, you and Lisa...kindred souls find each other. That is the divinity that crosses between heaven and earth, and even, I believe, earth and hell. Castiel is your kin, but I suspect you already knew that."

Dean hung his head low for a moment, and then quietly asked, "Then why won't he answer?"

"I suspect, it all rests in the asking. Farewell Dean," and with a light flapping of wings, Dean was once again alone in his motel room.

**Author's Note:**

> Balthazar is the name of one of the Three Wise Men, so I decided that they were one and the same.


End file.
